Loss...

I have to face the fact that I am alone. I have to face the fact that I was fooling myself to believe otherwise. I have to face the fact. I have to face reality.

The reality is that I fell in love with the idea of love years and years ago... I, then, fell out of the idea of love for roughly a year or two. I avoided it. I didn't want love. I had my priorities, and I was going to stick to them. When I was in LA visiting my aunt, we had a discussion about my decision to avoid love. She said I was closing myself off from life. My decision to avoid love was hindering me from having a fulfilling life. ...and she was right. I could say I was happy. I could say I was content. And a part of me was, because I allowed myself to heal... and get back to a better version of me. I regained my self confidence. I restored my health. I put myself as a priority for once in my life... and it was great. But she was right, I was definitely missing out on something that truly was important to me. I wouldn't admit it then, but I was missing out on something I need. Love!

So, that was at the end of May, 2012. When I returned to the quad cities, I returned a different person. I went from Ms. Independent, "I don't want or need anyone"... to Ms. Open to ALL Possibilities. I put myself out there... way out there. And I actually met someone. I met a really great guy, who has many of the same interests and passions as me. He's vocally passionate about things, like I am. He's a self starter, which I admire. He's a pretty neat guy. lol. I really could go on and on... but I'm gonna stop there for now.

The reality is that we are in two different places in our lives. He is not over the loss of an ex. I'm fully healed, and ready for love. So what do you do? What do I do?

He just moved across the country, temporarily, for business. He should be back in 6 months. But we'll see. In the meantime, he's given the time that he needs to heal. And I'm back to being alone. No closer to love than when I started.

Loss...