Warning: This blog post is a pitiful excuse for writing. Read at your own risk...
Have you ever felt like nothing... literally nothing in life is working out for you? Of course. Everyone must have said this at one point or another in their life. Speaking in absolutes is a problem for me. I have the tendency to live in an all or nothing world of my own creation. It's a wonderful and terrible world to live in. But I created this world. Why? I haven't quite figured that out.
I am currently spiraling down a bottomless pit of despair. SPIRALING! I'm out of control. I can't find peace. I can't get a hold of myself. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm hyperventilating. I feel like I have no control over my emotions. I feel absolutely lost. Work is rough, and I don't get paid enough to sustain living. School is overwhelming and I'm not taking any classes that gratify me so there is no drive to excel. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. My personal life is a mess. I made the fatal mistake of falling in love with a man that doesn't love me back. Yet I still continue to torture myself by attempting to remain in his life... be a friend. My family is 170 miles away and I miss them, yet I can't afford to see them. Oh, and I have had a migraine for 7 days straight! I may have to commit myself pretty soon. I'm not sleeping well, the migraines get worse at night. So something's gotta give. And my sanity is fraying. I don't have anything left to give. Hell, my writing is even suffering. I can't even think straight to construct vivid and emotion felt sentences. I'm lost.
I once was a very happy and proud person. I once was so strong in my convictions that nothing could take me down. But after the year I've had, I don't feel very good. I don't feel very happy. I don't feel proud. I don't really want to run away... but I wish I were a kid so I could have the instant gratification of running away. I'm still sure of my path. I'm still sure of where my life is leading me. But the bumps in the road are so immense, I'm having a hard time seeing past them. They're like craters and boulders right in my way and I am having a hard time getting around them. Nothing worth having comes easy, I know. But I'm being challenged in every way and I have no release. Nothing is bringing me peace. Nothing, no one brings me comfort. I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
This may be a sincere cry for help. My head is pounding. My heart is breaking. My mind is splitting. My life is falling apart. And no one can help me.
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